When Bridesmaids Go Bad

PLEASE NOTE: This entry could be potentially offensive.



So, I am taking ten minutes from my very busy September to blog about bridesmaids. Not, the sweet, will do anything you ask, wear her hair in a 90's style prom updo all while lifting your dress so you can go to the bathroom for the sixth time, bridesmaid. I'm talking about the jealous, the selfish, the cheap and the dramatic bridesmaids who forget what this day is all about for their oh, so very good friend.

Yesterday, I had not one, but three different bridesmaid scenarios that made me realize I can't go any further without sharing a few of my thoughts on how to spot a bridesmaid gone bad. Now, at the risk of being long winded and totally generalizing, I see a lot of warning signs. Here is a list of my five all-time favorites so maybe you can either spot them before bringing them on board, or at least be emotionally prepared for their shenanigans.

DRAMA QUEEN DEBBIE
This bridesmaid hates the bridesmaid's gown because her arms look too big in it and the shoes squeeze her bunion. She is late to everything because her and her boyfriend got into a fight (again), her car was making a noise, her dog has diarrhea or you can fill in the blank with any random excuse. She is usually so self absorbed that everything is "happening" to her. She will probably joke around and say something like, "I can't believe you are getting married and leaving me single" and while she will say it with a smile, she will secretly mean it.

MEG THE MOMMY
Before I tell you about this bridesmaid, it's important to know that this is not every mom...it is a very select few but it is a big enough problem that I have to mention her. Meg the mommy, was your first friend to marry and you were with her every step of the way. You helped her pick out everything from her first dance song to her wedding night lingerie, but now that she's been married for a while and has a baby she just thinks weddings are ridiculous and that you are juvenile for putting so much importance into the day. She will roll her eyes when you discuss your favorite shade of pink and will probably say things like, "someday you will realize how insignificant this day is." If she is in her truest form, she will also make sure she doesn't get a babysitter for her new little one on the wedding day and instead will be holding her crying baby at the altar because he won't go to anyone else.

CHEAPSKATE CHELSEA
This is the bridesmaid that is excited to be part of your day until she realizes she has to spend a few dollars. She will remind you every step of the way how expensive your wedding is getting for her and if she is truly rude she will tell you to the penny how much your shower gift cost, how much gas she spent to drive to your dress fittings and ultimately how "high maintenance" you're being. She's the bridesmaid that will make you feel the guiltiest throughout the planning process, but the good news is, she is also the easiest to spot amongst your friends ahead of time so hopefully this won't catch you by complete surprise.

POUTY PATTY
Pouty Patty is the bridesmaid that just can't understand how an entire day can be about someone besides her. She will do things throughout the planning and on the wedding day to draw attention to herself such as fight with the hairstylist, bicker with the other bridesmaids and if you are truly lucky, she will probably even cry. Not because she is so happy for you, but because she feels like you haven't given her enough attention. Again, if this is one of your closest friends, Pouty Patty is also easy to spot in advance as she is already the cryer of your group and the one whose "feelings are" ALWAYS "hurt."

JEALOUS JULIA
I saved this one for last, as this is the bridesmaid that is the most dangerous of them all and unfortunately in many cases, is usually your maid of honor, or closest friend. This is the girl that is seething with jealousy that you are marrying before her and instead of having and ounce of self awareness, she turns into the worst bridesmaid ever. She doesn't have time to talk about your wedding, she "forgets" to plan your bridal shower and she repeatedly makes passive aggressive statements like, "I hate weddings" or "Marriage is so stupid." She may even criticize you, your style or even your future husband depending on how far gone she is. In the end this bridesmaid will let her jealousy get so out of balance that she may even drop out of your wedding and risk ruining the friendship forever. Of course, she won't own up to the fact that she's jealous. Instead she will say things like "I think we've grown apart" or "I just can't support this marriage" because she needs to blame someone else for her selfish behavior. I would love to tell you there is a way to spot this one in advance, but the best I can tell is she is probably your friend that has been planning her own wedding since she was four years old. She may be your friend that has had a recent slue of bad relationships and she is for sure your friend that disappears the second you mention your engagement.

So there it is, my list of top wedding party offenders. Wow, sometimes it is so much easier to be a guy! In the end, the point is, choose your wedding party carefully. Make sure these are your truest friends. Ones that are so excited for you that they can hardly stand it. Ones that can put themselves to the side for one day. But, also remember, to not expect everything to be about you the ENTIRE planning process. Remember to ask how they are doing with their jobs, relationships, new class, etc. Be sensitive to financial situations if you are aware of them. If you have a friend that is having a hard time with your recent happiness, talk about it. Let her know you that she will still be an important part of your life. While, I am the first to say how important a wedding day is, it is also important to maintain your TRUE friends and a wedding can almost always help you realize who these people are.

Louisa + John : Malibu : Part 3

I wanted to share just a couple of more photos from this event. Specifically, I wanted to send over some pictures of the food presentation. Eva over at For A Season Catering really did an amazing job. While food presentation may be boring to some, I really love it when the chef and caterers take the extra time to ensure every detail interesting and beautiful. Take a peek:

Louisa + John : Malibu : Part 2

Today I had lunch with my past client, now new friend, Louisa and scored a copy of her wedding photos. All I can say is WOW! There are over 800 unbelievable images from Jose Villa. In fact, there are so many great shots that I will have to do one more post after this one to give all of you the full effect. Wait until you see the food presentation! Just beautiful. In the meantime, take a peek at some of the smaller details from the day. Also, here's the team that made it happen:

Photographer: Jose Villa
Administration: Norma Murry, Able Assistants
Wedding Gown: Monique Lhuillier
Shoes: Jimmy Choo
Grooms Suit: Prada
Location: Private Estate in Malibu, CA,
Floral: Holly Flora
Cake: Nancy Kay
Cinematography: Joel Serrato Films
Music: Cale Music
Linens: Wildflower Linens
Lighting: Aspect Lighting

Louisa + John : Malibu

A couple of months ago, I told the story of Louisa and John. They were the couple who were supposed to marry in Big Sur, but due to the fires we changed everything within a week of the wedding. Wow, it was a stressful week to say the least, but the end result was well worth it. The event was intimate, warm and just amazing!

Today, their unbelievable photographer, Jose Villa, posted a few images on his blog and I am just in love. I will have a full set of images to share tomorrow but couldn't wait to show off some of his work and this lovely rustic but sophisticated event. More to come...

Do's & Don'ts for your Tropical Wedding

In March, I will be Costa Rica bound for the fabulous wedding of Claire and Sean, the sweetest Bay Area couple. While, I'm so excited about their chic yet exotic vision, Claire has already asked the questions that every tropical bound bride should be asking, but in my experience NEVER do. I just love it. These simple questions will keep Claire from any major disappointment on her wedding day. Things like, "Should I wear my hair down," "Will the sun be in my eyes," "Will the home I am getting ready in have air conditioning," and my personal fav, "Is it going to be hot during my beach ceremony?" The elements, among other things are considerations to be aware of throughout the planning process. This being said, Claire put me in the mood to share some of my personal do's and don't's for all of you tropical brides out there.

1. DO be realistic about your hair & makeup options. While an island wedding can be a dream come true, tropical breezes, heat and humidity can do damage to hair and makeup. When planning a destination wedding, take the elements into consideration before choosing your hair style. For a beach or other outdoor ceremony, seriously consider an updo. This tried and true style will keep you looking polished all night. If you are determined to wear your locks down, invest in a stylist to spend the day with you touching up your makeup and hair so you do not have a tangled and messy do by the time you enter the reception.

2. DON’T put your groom and groomsmen in a Tuxedo if planning an outdoor tropical affair. While many brides cannot envision anything but a tux, any attire that is black and made of wool is a no-no in tropical climates. While this may look good for pictures, a fainted groom or groomsmen will put a damper on your day. Consider going with the island feel with your groom in a lightweight linen suit.

3. DO wind proof your décor. When creating place cards, favors and other décor for your tropical celebration, keep in mind that the wind can be your enemy. You can personalize, and wind proof, these details with a little creativity. If having a beach affair, tie seashells to each place card. On the dinner table, weigh your menus and dinner napkins down with maracas made of coconut shells. If tall centerpieces are your dream, have the florist secure the centerpieces to a heavy object such as a larger mirror. She can always cover these mechanics by lining the vases with ti leaves, palms or another natural element that will carry out your theme.

4. DO entertain your guests. A destination wedding is definitely more work than a hometown affair, simply because you have not only invited guests to your wedding, but you have also invited them on vacation. For this reason, plan days at the beach, a sunset cocktail hour or other simple activities where your guests can spend time with you without breaking your budget.

5. DON’T feel obligated to plan every minute. On the other hand, guests are on vacation too. Do provide them with activity options and a short itinerary for the week so they know where to find you. However, definitely allow them time to explore the island on their own.

6. DO be flexible. Whether it is about the minister or the décor, recognize that with a destination wedding you may not have as many options from the clergy, to the photographer to the flowers. If you are set on a Lutheran minister or an 8mm cinematographer, recognize that you may have to fly someone in to handle these tasks. However, going into the event being flexible will relieve stress on everyone’s part and save you a few bucks as well.

7. DON’T go it alone, but DO shop around. Never plan a destination wedding completely on your own. In doing so, you are risking disappointments like your cake not showing up, flowers being late, etc. While it is not necessary to hire an independent wedding planner to get you through everything, make sure the hotel or location you are marrying has someone with your best interests in mind.

8. DO trust the experts. You’ve found the best vendors to handle your day. Trust your judgment and their guidance, especially in a location where you may or may not have visited. While things like where the sun is setting and high tide may not be of concern to you, it will definitely be on the mind of your wedding planner as well as your other vendors, who are ultimately there to ensure you have a flawless wedding day.

9. DON’T expect everyone you invite to attend. Traveling is expensive, especially to some of the world’s top tropical destinations. Because of this, expect a certain percentage of your guests to decline your invite. While this can be initially disappointing, it will make for a much more intimate celebration.

10. DO embrace the culture. Island life is like no other. Because of this, you would be doing your guests an injustice if you did not introduce them to the unique culture of the location of your choice. It doesn’t have to be anything as out there as a ceremony with Polynesian chanting, but some touches are great. When in Hawaii, consider greeting your guests with a lei, or hire a hula dancer for the dinner hour. If you’re in the Caribbean, start your cocktail hour off with Mojitos and a steel drum player.

Get Married TV on the Lifetime Network

If you haven't seen Get Married On TV,then now you have an excuse...This Thursday, August 7th at 7:30 am PST, yours truly will be dishing out a bit of destination wedding advice for all of your traveling couples out there.

I've been writing articles for the website since Get Married went national, but obviously to get even 30 seconds on this show is such an honor. The show is a magazine style format and focuses on informing brides nationwide on planning, trends and etiquette in the words of the nation's top event professionals. Oh, and I can't forget to mention that it is hosted by the amazing David Tutera and produced by The Bridal Bar's, Harmony Walton. Even if you miss my few seconds of fame, check the show out sometime. It airs Monday through Friday, again at 7:30 am on the Lifetime Network. It's good stuff!

Oh, on a side note, if you're interested in getting your event on TV, click http://www.getmarried.com/omg_about.php. They are searching for couples to feature in their upcoming episodes.

For the love of destination weddings...

Today I arrived in Kauai for my fourth event in two weeks and needless to say I hit the island a bit behind in some much needed paperwork for my day's meetings. Easy enough you would think...I'll just hit a business center and be all set...wrong! Not only did my hotel or the neighboring hotel not have a business center, but the closest one is in the next town and not open on Sundays, per the hotel manager. Of course!! Punishment for procrastinating...

Now Kauai is remarkably charming, but it is still one of those places...you know the kind...no cell phone reception, highway speed limits of 45 mph and drivers not even willing to go that fast and a place that still believes in closing up shop on what some consider the Sabbath. It really is the perfect spot to just get away from it all, except of course when you are trying to put the finishing touches on a wedding. But, as luck would have it, I went driving in search of an internet cafe and stumbled upon the supposedly closed Business Center and well, they weren't closed. Now, the shop hours claimed Monday through Saturday only, but when I asked the manager, he just "felt like opening today" which of course made me count my blessings. Anyway, I sit down, get comfortable and start sifting through my day's work, when I realized the "business center" doesn't have Microsoft Office on any of the computers. To this, I just had to giggle. Only on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, would someone have a Business Center opened due only to a whim on a Sunday afternoon without use of a software the entire world relies on to function. You just have to smile at the thought of it.

So, I'm sure you're now wondering what my point is and here it goes...when it comes to destination wedding planning, all bets are off. You cannot assume anything and you have to be prepared for everything. Don't assume for a second that you'll pop into your destination and find those last minute place cards you've been putting off (which is a topic for another day), or even something as simple as your favorite cereal to snack on for the week. When you choose to have a destination wedding in a remote location, you have to go into with one of two attitudes:

1. Budget is no limit and I will pay whatever I have to get the flowers, photographer, linens, etc. that I have always dreamt of.
~OR~
2. I love the destination so much that everything else is secondary. I'll forgo peonies for protea and learn to live with the idea of having a person I've never met marrying us if it means I can get married on the beaches of Mexico, a castle in Switzerland or a chapel in South Africa.
If you don't keep these things in mind, you will end up frazzled, frustrated and, dare I say, disappointed. Not a great combination when trying to celebrate one of life's greatest moments.

So, if you're considering a destination wedding, keep the trade offs in mind. Remember that you will get a weeklong celebration rather than six hours of attention. You will witness as all of your closest family and friends unite together and become one big happy extended family by the end of the celebration. And you will, undoubtedly offer guests an experience they will never forget. But again, if you go the destination wedding route, learn from my mistake and don't even leave the smallest of tasks for your arrival...I know it's hard to imagine but there are still many, many places left in the world that function without Kinko's, a Target or any of the other staples we all depend on to make our lives (and weddings) go smoothly.