When Bridesmaids Go Bad

PLEASE NOTE: This entry could be potentially offensive.



So, I am taking ten minutes from my very busy September to blog about bridesmaids. Not, the sweet, will do anything you ask, wear her hair in a 90's style prom updo all while lifting your dress so you can go to the bathroom for the sixth time, bridesmaid. I'm talking about the jealous, the selfish, the cheap and the dramatic bridesmaids who forget what this day is all about for their oh, so very good friend.

Yesterday, I had not one, but three different bridesmaid scenarios that made me realize I can't go any further without sharing a few of my thoughts on how to spot a bridesmaid gone bad. Now, at the risk of being long winded and totally generalizing, I see a lot of warning signs. Here is a list of my five all-time favorites so maybe you can either spot them before bringing them on board, or at least be emotionally prepared for their shenanigans.

DRAMA QUEEN DEBBIE
This bridesmaid hates the bridesmaid's gown because her arms look too big in it and the shoes squeeze her bunion. She is late to everything because her and her boyfriend got into a fight (again), her car was making a noise, her dog has diarrhea or you can fill in the blank with any random excuse. She is usually so self absorbed that everything is "happening" to her. She will probably joke around and say something like, "I can't believe you are getting married and leaving me single" and while she will say it with a smile, she will secretly mean it.

MEG THE MOMMY
Before I tell you about this bridesmaid, it's important to know that this is not every mom...it is a very select few but it is a big enough problem that I have to mention her. Meg the mommy, was your first friend to marry and you were with her every step of the way. You helped her pick out everything from her first dance song to her wedding night lingerie, but now that she's been married for a while and has a baby she just thinks weddings are ridiculous and that you are juvenile for putting so much importance into the day. She will roll her eyes when you discuss your favorite shade of pink and will probably say things like, "someday you will realize how insignificant this day is." If she is in her truest form, she will also make sure she doesn't get a babysitter for her new little one on the wedding day and instead will be holding her crying baby at the altar because he won't go to anyone else.

CHEAPSKATE CHELSEA
This is the bridesmaid that is excited to be part of your day until she realizes she has to spend a few dollars. She will remind you every step of the way how expensive your wedding is getting for her and if she is truly rude she will tell you to the penny how much your shower gift cost, how much gas she spent to drive to your dress fittings and ultimately how "high maintenance" you're being. She's the bridesmaid that will make you feel the guiltiest throughout the planning process, but the good news is, she is also the easiest to spot amongst your friends ahead of time so hopefully this won't catch you by complete surprise.

POUTY PATTY
Pouty Patty is the bridesmaid that just can't understand how an entire day can be about someone besides her. She will do things throughout the planning and on the wedding day to draw attention to herself such as fight with the hairstylist, bicker with the other bridesmaids and if you are truly lucky, she will probably even cry. Not because she is so happy for you, but because she feels like you haven't given her enough attention. Again, if this is one of your closest friends, Pouty Patty is also easy to spot in advance as she is already the cryer of your group and the one whose "feelings are" ALWAYS "hurt."

JEALOUS JULIA
I saved this one for last, as this is the bridesmaid that is the most dangerous of them all and unfortunately in many cases, is usually your maid of honor, or closest friend. This is the girl that is seething with jealousy that you are marrying before her and instead of having and ounce of self awareness, she turns into the worst bridesmaid ever. She doesn't have time to talk about your wedding, she "forgets" to plan your bridal shower and she repeatedly makes passive aggressive statements like, "I hate weddings" or "Marriage is so stupid." She may even criticize you, your style or even your future husband depending on how far gone she is. In the end this bridesmaid will let her jealousy get so out of balance that she may even drop out of your wedding and risk ruining the friendship forever. Of course, she won't own up to the fact that she's jealous. Instead she will say things like "I think we've grown apart" or "I just can't support this marriage" because she needs to blame someone else for her selfish behavior. I would love to tell you there is a way to spot this one in advance, but the best I can tell is she is probably your friend that has been planning her own wedding since she was four years old. She may be your friend that has had a recent slue of bad relationships and she is for sure your friend that disappears the second you mention your engagement.

So there it is, my list of top wedding party offenders. Wow, sometimes it is so much easier to be a guy! In the end, the point is, choose your wedding party carefully. Make sure these are your truest friends. Ones that are so excited for you that they can hardly stand it. Ones that can put themselves to the side for one day. But, also remember, to not expect everything to be about you the ENTIRE planning process. Remember to ask how they are doing with their jobs, relationships, new class, etc. Be sensitive to financial situations if you are aware of them. If you have a friend that is having a hard time with your recent happiness, talk about it. Let her know you that she will still be an important part of your life. While, I am the first to say how important a wedding day is, it is also important to maintain your TRUE friends and a wedding can almost always help you realize who these people are.