Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes : Part I

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

With wedding season rapidly approaching, it's time to pull out these top secret guest complaints compiled by The Knot. Remember that while a wedding day is about you and your fiancee, you are still hosts of very huge party and you need to keep your guest's comfort in mind throughout the entire process....Come back next week for more insight into what your guests are thinking!

You've been to a few weddings yourself, so you know there are just some things that can rub you the wrong way. Here are a few helpful reminders about what guests can't stand.
By Meredith Bodgas

Huge time gaps between the ceremony and the reception — the ones where the ceremony starts at noon, but the party isn't until 7 p.m. — are annoying because you're often leaving us in the middle of nowhere with absolutely nothing to do. We don't want to kill time at a restaurant because we're hoping you'll feed us well at your reception. And there's only so much lingering we can do at a coffee shop or a bookstore ... in our dressy clothes! We'd much rather head straight to the party after the "I dos."

We've had weddings on every holiday, from Mother's Day to Super Bowl Sunday (yes, that counts as a holiday). You must realize that we'd rather be with our moms or watching the game instead of going to your wedding on those days. And please don't ruin our holiday weekends. We get it; you can save a bundle if you get hitched on the Sunday before Memorial Day, but maybe we'd like to take our vacations then. If nothing else, please don't get married on some random Tuesday night. That means we have to take off two days from work just to go! Let us use our vacation days for vacations.

The ceremony may be the most important part of the day to you, but the reception is what we're really looking forward to. When it takes forever to get dinner served, each speech is 25 minutes long, and you play a string of songs that are all inside jokes with the same group of friends, there isn't much time for getting our groove on. Uh, and if the band's so bad that no one's dancing — including you and your groom — we just think, Why are we even here? Showing us a really good time is the least that you can do to thank us for giving up our free day, traveling, and getting you an expensive gift.


Evonne & Darren Photography said...

Timing is so important. My hubby and I were invited to a wedding many years ago, and they had a huge gap between the ceremony and the reception. We ended up going back home for a nap because there was nothing else to do or nowhere to hang out in our dressy clothes! At least we live close enough to the ceremony and reception sites!

Amberdawn said...

Wait, you can save a bundle on the Sunday before Memorial Day? Hmmm. Half my guests are from England, so they won't care. My family doesn't go on vacation then. So this might actually work for my situation!

Elaine said...

I follow your blog and I appreciate what you publish. However, but I find this list offensive as a bride-to-be and I don't understand why you would repost it, especially the last item. The purpose of a wedding is to celebrate love and commitment between the bride and groom. It's not the responsibility of the couple (or whoever is paying) to provide wild entertainment. If guests don't want to be there because the band is not five-star, then they don't care about the couple very much or don't get what a wedding is about. Either way, I don't think that's something the bride and groom need to worry about.

As hosts of the event, the bride and groom, family etc should certainly make guests as comfortable as possible, but it's a wedding not a circus.

Beth Helmstetter said...

Hi Elaine! Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and thanks for your feedback.

While I agree that the tone of the article is harsh, overall I believe understanding the mentality of your guests is important when planning any event. I, too, believe more than anything else that a wedding is about the celebration of love and nothing more. I don't think a circus is necessary nor what the article is suggesting. While, again, the sentiment is harsher then what I would say in my own words, the last line item is essentially reminding you as a host to think about your guests as you choose your entertainment and flow of the evening. Toasts that go on for too long and inside jokes that don't apply to a majority of the guests, can leave people feeling left out, hence the comment of "why are we even here." It wasn't to suggest that the band you hired wasn't expensive or excessive enough. I'm sorry for any offense that has been taken, but this article was written with the input of recent wedding guests. They are not my words, nor the author's. Right or wrong, they represent how many guests feel when they are invited to a wedding. I posted the article to encourage brides to embrace the art of entertaining which includes attempting to anticipate your guest's needs and comfort throughout the event.

I appreciate your readership and comments. Thank you again and a big congratulations! It sounds like you have the right perspective on your day and because of that, your wedding will be everything you've ever hoped for.