From One Groom to Another

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

I'm well aware that I don't have many male readers of my blog, but I just had to share this funny, yet accurate, list of recommendations that a past groom just shared with one of the present grooms I'm working with. I'm a strong believer that the planning process can be much happier if the groom deciphers up front the level of involvement the bride is expecting. Does she want your input on everything? Does she want you to just stand by and "look pretty"? For this groom, he seemed to find the perfect balance and one in which I think other grooms might relate to and appreciate:

1) Stay out of the way.

2) The phrase "I don't care" no longer exists . . . find another, more tactful way to answer questions like "do you think the chairs for the reception should be made of wicker or birch?" and "what kind of fish do you think should be in the fish-bowl center pieces?" Example: "Wicker is fine." "Goldfish sound great!"

3) Give your bride the lead: she has been thinking about her wedding since she was a little girl, so no matter how many ideas you may come up with, she has already thought about every aspect of the wedding somewhere around a thousand times. You should choose your few battles wisely (i.e. I refused to pay $80 each for the aformentioned fish-bowl center-pieces, and I demanded to have an open bar...that was about it).

4) It's your job to deal with family members who are trying to make changes to her big day. We had ours in the Carribean at an adults-only resort, and quite a few family members were not happy with this, but that was just too bad. It is your day, make it happen the way you want it to.

5) Be patient and keep your bride calm, there are bound to be road-bumps.

6) Stay out of the way.

Above Photo by Graham Chappell Photography from the wedding of NFL Player, Chad Morton's Maui Wedding.


Erin Adams said...

This is great, Beth! Thanks for posting it.

Jen said...


Sideshowdoug said...

Shortly after we got engaged, I expressed a few key areas that were important to me:

1. I'm vegetarian and wanted to have a gourmet vegetarian dinner that omnivores would enjoy.

2. I wanted to be involved in finding a band and making CD's with our own music for the band breaks.

3. Let's decide together where to go for our honeymoon & I'd like to make the plans/reservations. (Unsaid: so I can add a few surprises!)

And a few ground rules:

1. Ask me for help where you need or want it.

2. Don't ask my opinion if you already have an answer in mind, or I'll probably end up picking the option you do not want.

3. Let's set a budget first and aggressively save money for the wedding, rather than charge up credit cards & pay it off later.

A discussion of what is and is not important up front will help make the entire process go more smoothly.

Oh, and a much better answer than "I don't care" is "If you like that, I'm happy with it."