Guest Blogger: Kimberly Tobman on Reducing Her Wedding Planning Stress

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned that one of my clients had written an amazing article called "The Top Five Ways I'm Reducing My Wedding Stress." I very quickly asked her if I could republish the article and she graciously accepted. Keep reading for some great pointers from a bride-to-be herself:

Kimberly Tobman, marrying May 30th at Calamigos Ranch in Malibu, California
The Top Five Ways I'm Reducing My Wedding Stress
After coming down from the shock and excitement from my surprise engagement I sat with my new fiancĂ© and we decided we wanted a small wedding (75 people MAX) outside of Los Angeles. Cut to a few hours later, upon telling my parents of my brilliant plan, my mother laughed at the guest number and told me that wouldn’t even cover our family alone. Let the wedding stress begin!

I love my parents and love that they are so excited for my wedding – and aside from advising me that I should do my wedding in my hometown of Los Angeles (so Grandma Ann and Grandma Ona can come) and upping the number of invites (we do have a lot of wonderful friends and family) they have let me make my wedding choices. My main goal is to stay completely sane and refuse to become the bridezilla that I have seen many people around me turn into. While these choices may not be for everyone – these are the things that I have done to make my life for the next year a little more tolerable.

Hired a Wedding Planner
At first, my mom and I thought that our years of event planning would make this wedding planning thing a breeze. After I started to make the “to-do” list – and tried to figure out how that would work out while having a full time job – I turned to my mother and we decided hiring a professional to do this would make our lives a whole lot easier. I found the lovely and talented Beth Helmstetter from flipping through magazines and searching bridal blogs. Her aesthetic is AMAZING and she couldn’t be nicer. Adding her to my life has been a complete blessing.

No Bridesmaids
Much to the dismay of many of my friends, I opted out of bridesmaids. I always knew my cousin (who is 3 months older and like a sister to me) would be my maid of honor. With my cousin by my side, my fiancĂ©’s brother on his, I immediately felt at ease. I decided to make my brother my best man – and the bridal party of three was set. No hurt feelings. No unhappy girls in dresses they don’t want to buy. No coordinating schedules. Immediate relief.

No Save The Dates
This was a tough decision – and one that my mother did not accept willingly. My wedding is on the Sunday of a holiday weekend (I know some of you are rolling your eyes, but when you are Jewish and want a summer wedding, you can’t start your wedding until after sundown on a Saturday – and that could be like 8:30pm!). Every rule in the book says I should be sending save the dates. But I have chosen against them for several reasons. 1) Nearly everyone who is invited already knows when and where the wedding is. 2) Procrastinating on getting the invitation style together made me realize I was cutting it awfully close to the date I should be sending the Save The Dates, and rushing to get them out seemed way too stressful. 3) Isn’t the invitation the save the date?? How many times do I really need to remind people that I am getting married?

Small Group for Dress Shopping
I went dress shopping three times. The first time I went with my grandma and mother. The second time I just went with my mom. The third time I brought my mom and cousin. On the third time I found my dress. All three of us loved the dress. I didn’t need more opinions to confuse my choice. I have seen how large groups can upset a bride (I watch Say Yes To The Dress!) Keeping it small and personal made everything so much easier.

Knowing When to Stop Talking About It

I think it is very sweet when people ask me about my wedding. And I love talking about it – to an extent. But after a while, there are only so many things I can say about my wedding colors, flower choices, dress, table linens… I tend to keep my answers to wedding questions short and sweet. Some people have laughed at me calling me the “anti-bride” because I don’t want to gush over every detail. The fact is, I am looking forward to my wedding – but talking about it all the time in great detail starts to stress me out. I want to enjoy the process and I want to enjoy the day. It’s not that I hate my wedding and hate talking about it – I just hate feeling stressed.


Coordinately Yours said...

What an excellent article!

Anonymous said...

I wish all brides would take some lessons from you!

Laura said...

Kim - This is such a great and helpful post! I am so excited to be designing your invitations. I'm very much looking forward to working with you.

KLovesLA said...

i just saw that you commented laura! thank you so much :) and i LOOOVE the invitations you sent over! looking at them today :)